Saturday in Belgrade

Woke early next to a snoring Telescopic Toad. I first journeyed avec said individual in Germany 1988 and I can confirm his predilection for and dedication to the honourable practices of snoring, drinking and farting have to be admired. He deserves some form of official recognition- maybe a golden toad statuette like that slag Liz Hurley didn’t get for 4 weddings and a funeral.

FB Twitter + AVFTT posts completed I donned my shorts and green Claire Rayners to mark the locality. Up The incline to The Pub 24 (official weekend HQ) and with energy trails from this fleeting earth journey deposited in downtown Beograd the Golden Arches cane into view.

With Wesley Willis’s humorous ‘Rock and Roll Macdonalds’ booming away as the inner backbeat to my breakfast adventure I didn’t anticipate the upcoming Mc-rebuke.

Whilst front of house was wrestling with the MilkShake machine I snapped the McSerbian signage and rear of house boomed ‘NO PHOTO !’ – NO PHOTO – ignore him I thought …. but oh no small McManager was the dog and I was his bone.

Sometimes I wish a reverse gear was etched into my natal chart but with Leo Rising and the expansive Jupiter currently leaving Fiery Sagittarius ♐️ for Cardinal Capricorn ♑️ this encounter wasn’t ending well.

Fellow queuing earth travellers seemed surprised when bobble hatted jogging 🏃‍♀️ man contested McManager.

Me Why ?
Him NO PHOTO

Me Yes but why not ?
Him NO PHOTO

Me Yes sir by why no photo ? Him NO PHOTO.

Quite frankly dear reader I had neither the time nor the fucking crayons 🖍 to help us out of of this impasse.

Me Righto so why is it VERBOTEN ? Him NO PHOTO

Me Sorry, can you please explain why ‘ Him NO PHOTO‘ ?

…… right last time …. summoning up my best A Level German with his visage gripped in my best steely glare.

Me Can you please explain to me why NO PHOTO ist VERBOTEN ? Him NO PHOTO. …… FFS

There comes a time when a one way ticket to Dignitas is more important than franking machines. 3 Deep Breaths later and front of house explained ‘its political’ –

Me What do you mean it’s political ? Her NO PHOTO, it’s political

Me sorry ?
Her yes NO PHOTO it’s political.

…. it felt like I was dealing with not 1 but 2 Jeremy Corbyns, but McManager ++ didn’t even have the courtesy to smile whilst lying.

I’ve never been a fan of the odd geometry corrupting our constrained planetary visits – I feel genuinely sorry for all of us . I should roll my eyes and ask my higher self how many more earth years do I have on this fucking planet. Instead I collected my milkshake and scurried off to the loftiest perch I could find. Fucking McTwats.

Serbia builds straight roads so drive did well not to fall asleep during the 6.5 hour road journey Kosovo. Lively discussions ensued on politics, the justice system and the hot topic of franking machines.

Fellow traveller Adam Zerny is standing as an INDEPENDENT in North East Bedfordshire, the constituency next to sexy Nadine Dorries. He’s a local INDEPENDENT councillor and confident of retaining his deposit.


A humourless Serbian border guard, a few swigs of Manastirska (a local Brandy) and an overview of Nuneaton Council’s mailroom set up guided us into Pristina.
Hotel ORA located, co-ordinates established and we trundle off to boozer. Meet good lads from Tottenham, Bristol City, Crawley and Derby.


Pick Brick-top up off the floor and carry him back to hotel …. it’s 4:30 am, littler Will and I aim to be up at 8:00am for spirited jog. I drift off listening to English Civil War on Apple Music.


Nice doggy 🧡

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